Will You?
©leo.banares

there is this question in my head,

that i can’t seem to find the answer

will you tell me what you’d say

if i asked you these

Girl, will you be my never ending fairy tale?

will you spend your whole life time with me?

will you be my princess, that i’ll hold in my arms?

now, will you be my never ending fairy tale?

a glimpse of the sun,

and a look at the moon.

when will my stars collide with yours?

Oh girl how i wish, and i hope, and i pray that

you would be my never ending fairy tale,

that i would care, to spend my life with you.

and you would be my princess, that i’ll hold in my arms

now, will you be my never ending fairy tale?

Girl, will you be my never ending fairy tale?
will you spend your whole life time with me?
will you be my princess, that ill hold in my arms?
now, will you be my never ending fairy tale?

it’s 3:30am.
looking outside my window,
i see the bare streets of quezon city.
a couple of jeepneys and cabs
roam the streets,
hoping to find passengers at this hour.

i also see,
multi-colored lights strewn across
the vast blanket of darkness.
lighting the streets and alleys
along the way.

the sky is dark,
with a hint of an amber glow
eminating from the lights
scattered everywhere.

i see a single star, twinkling.
and i wondered,
“is she looking,
at that the same star?”

it’s 3:50am.
i looked out my window
and saw the bare streets of quezon city,
slowly being occupied by jeepneys and cabs.

i looked at the sky
and saw that single star,
that lonely star,
starting to fade away.

it’s 4:00am.
i don’t know what to do.
all i know is
“i miss you.”

I.
running freely,
not minding anyone.
his body covered in blood,
his eyes, filled with tears.
crying, shouting,
his please are full of piercing misery.

*bang*
one shot, he’s dead.

screams of horror filled the small plaza,
the rhythm of tango and the beat of congo,
turned into agonizing tune of pain and destruction.

II.
she was sitting by the last pew,
crying, praying hard for her son.
her eyes are filled with tears,
trails of her mascara lined her cheeks.
her heart, pounding.

*bang*
one shot, she’s dead.

babies crying, children screaming.
blood filled the last pew,
staining everything it touches.

III.
their eyes were white as snow.
their skin was pale and paper thin.
they thirst for blood.
the demonic trio, they were called.
their stare pierces through your soul.

*bang*
one shot, she’s dead.

*bang*
one shot, he’s dead.

*bang*
one shot, he’s dead.

5 shots kill.
5 shots can change anyone.
5 shots killed the 5 most deadly people
prowling around in search of wandering souls.

“twinkle, twinkle, little star.
how i wonder, what you are.”

i saw her walking past me.
her perfect, fit body moves to the beat of my music.
her long, black hair sways on every move she makes.
her eyes were like diamonds sparkling in the morning light.

“up above the world so high
like a diamond in the sky”

i stared at her
i studied her every move,
every inch of her.
i wanted to approach her and get to know her.
but it was impossible.

“twinkle, twinkle, little star
how i wonder, what you are.”

she saw me looking at her
she smiled.
her smile sent thousands of darts piercing through my heart.
then i realized.
i realized why it was impossible.

“twinkle, twinkle little star
how i wonder, what you are.”

the reggae music is starting to end.
still i’m looking at her. staring.
i’m dumbfounded by her.
her perfect physique,
her perfect smile,
her personality.

i guess it’s enough
to see her from a distance
after all, she’s a star,
a star of the new generation.

I sat in front of this microchip-filled monitor…

As I gaze upon the words—

Starting to write itself,
Bleeding its way out of my mischievous mind.
I sat at a table—

In an old, worn-out café,
Looking at the paint-chipped walls,
Rusty-legged chairs.
I sipped from this teacup—

Full of words and memories.

A chill went up my spine,
Made me shiver, almost dropped my cup.
I then hear music,
Coming from the antique jukebox—

–“Oh please, say to me
you’ll let me be your man
and please, say to me
you’ll let me hold your hand.”

Memories started to come back,
As a gust of wind passed by my sight.
And un-noticing, it sucked my soul.

I went back months—

–cool winds,
Warm sun,
Blinding light.

The rays of the sun,
Reflecting itself on the cold,
White,
Snow.

Then I saw you,
Sitting in front of me.
In this old, worn-out café.
I touched your black hair,
And remembered everything.

We were drinking the same tea,
The song playing on the jukebox echoed—

–“Oh please, say to me
you’ll let me be your man
and please, say to me
you’ll let me hold your hand.”

In a snap, I came back…

The memories were lost…

This place,
This old café…

This is where we first met…
You smiled at me…
While sipping your tea.

The chill,
Of the early December winds,
Fought with the heat from this unflavored, hot tea.

6 cups of hot tea…
6 days of uncertainty…
6 years of hiding…

I came here…
Once again…
To try…
With all my might…
To forget—

–forget all the memories we shared…

and go,
Move on…
Forget you…

I can’t lie to myself anymore…
I can’t say that we’re meant to be…

So here I am…
With 6 cups of tea in front of me…
In this month of freezing winds…

Sitting,
Thinking,
Watching,
Writing—

–writing this poem,

This senseless, useless poem called,
“Teacups in Early December.”

The years passed me by,
Sitting on a cold February air.
Time went sailing on,
Leaving me stuck—

–stuck-up,
Fed-up,
With your lies.

Sad,
Really sad.

Pictures from memories,
Tearing itself apart.
As you went on,
Looked back,
Walked away.

Your deafening footstep,
Slowly making its way,
Through the cold,
Rough, wasted, asphalt.

I wished for Polaris,
The northern star,
To guide you,
Light your path—

–never leave you.
Guide you.
Take care of you.

Even though you left me.
Bruised, battered, cold.

Your dreams,
Stuck in this world I’m in.
I tried to stand,
Hopeless, I fell.

I tried to scream,
Silence.

Seconds turned to minutes.
Minutes into hours.
Hours into days.
Days into weeks.
Weeks into months.
Months into years.
Years into eternity.

I lived in this world you created.
I swallowed everything you gave me.
I took it all in—

No fights,
No reclaims.

I took every little inch of your sanity.
I took it,
Stole it,
Kept it.

But you are too strong—

You took it back,
Kept it,
Hid it.

I suffered,
I waited.

My dreams torn apart—

–torn by your immature,
Selfless imagery.

I waited for you’re next move.
My awaited end in your society.
Your own make-up world.

Now I know.
I know who you really are.
I knew after spending—

–my whole futile life in your—

—Melancholic Lies.

©leo.banares

Sitting…

Staring blankly at the paint-chipped walls…

I kept silent…
Tormented by the memories,
Scared, manipulated.

I ran away,
Went to a park…

And once again,
I found myself…

Sitting…
Staring blankly in a cracked pavement…

Memories…
Memories I rather not remember…

I force myself to forget…
I force myself…

Leaving traces of broken glass,
Wandering,
Going nowhere…

Memories of You and me,
Memories I want to forget,
Memories I want to erase…

I still remember the day,
I first met You…

First I didn’t believe Your existence…

I thought to myself,
“Who are You?”
“Why did You die for me?”

I was blinded by my memories,
These memories that made me hate You…

Dislike You…

After years of searching who I really was…

I saw You…
Talked to You…
Gave my heart to You…
You’re the only one who listened to me…

You comforted me,
You made me feel stronger,
And now I believe You…

You died for me…

A stupid worthless, human being…
Your life is not worth it…
You could’ve just let me be imprisoned….

But You set me free…
Free from the lies of reality…
Free from these memories…
These handcuffed memories I wanted to erase…

I lied to You,
I pretended I didn’t see the suffering You did for me…
But still, You loved me…

You’re my savior,
My companion,
My brother,
My friend…

I tried to change…
I tried to go on…
I tried to live on…

©leo.banares

Moonlight shining through the dark clouds,
every bit reflects a memory of you.
strewn across an endless maze,
your gentle words linger in my ears.
you left without saying goodbye,
tears fell but i learned to hold it back.
your silhouette slowly fading away,
and i felt joy.

for once i learned to love myself,
to appreciate who i am and to be myself.
i tried to change who i am,
just for you to accept me.
my friends were there to support,
to tell me to move on and let you go.
i did, i did it well,
and slowly, you were gone.

you became a fragment in a broken mirror,
strewn across the floor.
lost in every inch of the cold, dark, pavements of my mind,
you were there, lost, cold, forgotten.
then the sun shone on me,
you reflected light in the recesses of my mind.
after months and months,
your fragments slowly picked themselves up and made you whole.

you talked to me with your gentle voice,
you looked at me with your calm eyes.
then i was there, standing,
standing in front of you not knowing what to say.
i do not know what to feel,
‘cause i have forgotten that feeling a long time ago.

here i am, slowly picking up the broken fragments,
of feelings i used to feel for you.
i’m confused, i dunno what to feel,
i dunno if i should still love you.
all i know, is i miss you..

‘cause i loved you before,
but you let me go.

Have you ever felt like you don’t belong in a certain place?
Like you’re still looking for that place that could make you feel that you fit in.
Have you ever felt that life is unfair?
It’s like you’re stuck in a bubble that you can’t burst.
Hindering you from doing what you want.
Taking your freedom, locking you away from reality.
Have you ever felt that you are only a small speck of dust in the world?
Like you don’t matter to anyone.
Like you’re invisible to the naked eye of people you thought were true.
Have you felt that the world is going down on you?
The instances that what you want doesn’t happen;
What you hoped for doesn’t come?
Have you ever seen yourself as someone who is useless?
No matter what you do, it always felt wrong.
No matter what you say, it all seems like a lie.
Have you ever dreamt of being someone you’re not?
Like someone who is popular being sought by everyone; just to escape reality?
Life’s full of lies that make you think everything is true. Ironic isn’t it?
Life gave you what you didn’t want to see.
It spread its soothing lullaby, etching across your horrid mind.
Words can’t really explain what you feel.
The pitter-pattering of questions lingers on your head, and you STOP!
Questions are answered. Answers you wish aren’t real.
Then you look back. You see yourself filled with selfish aura.
Your eyes turned black. And suddenly, you disappear.
Traces of your existence vanished. And you got what you wanted.
Now you fit perfectly in the place you are in.
And millions and millions of companions support you.
You’re no longer you, but a star, a shining star strewn across the velvet sky.
And you were happy.

If the stars would fall in the morning,
and the sun would shine at night.
If the rivers flow up-stream,
and the oceans turn sweet.
If the moon sleeps at night,
and wakes up in the morning light,
I’ll be loving you.
Impossible as it may seem,
My love for you will remain real.
Even if the fire turns cold,
My love for you will remain forever.
Hold me close,
and never let me go.
I promise forever, I will remain true,
and show you, just how much i love you.