[poem] 30 Minutes of Solitude

“30 minutes of solitude”
©leo.banares

it’s 3:30am.
looking outside my window,
i see the bare streets of quezon city.
a couple of jeepneys and cabs
roam the streets,
hoping to find passengers at this hour.

i also see,
multi-colored lights strewn across
the vast blanket of darkness.
lighting the streets and alleys
along the way.

the sky is dark,
with a hint of an amber glow
eminating from the lights
scattered everywhere.

i see a single star, twinkling.
and i wondered,
“is she looking,
at that the same star?”

it’s 3:50am.
i looked out my window
and saw the bare streets of quezon city,
slowly being occupied by jeepneys and cabs.

i looked at the sky
and saw that single star,
that lonely star,
starting to fade away.

it’s 4:00am.
i don’t know what to do.
all i know is
“i miss you.”

[Poem] Five Shots

“five shots”
©leo.banares

I.
running freely,
not minding anyone.
his body covered in blood,
his eyes, filled with tears.
crying, shouting,
his please are full of piercing misery.

*bang*
one shot, he’s dead.

screams of horror filled the small plaza,
the rhythm of tango and the beat of congo,
turned into agonizing tune of pain and destruction.

II.
she was sitting by the last pew,
crying, praying hard for her son.
her eyes are filled with tears,
trails of her mascara lined her cheeks.
her heart, pounding.

*bang*
one shot, she’s dead.

babies crying, children screaming.
blood filled the last pew,
staining everything it touches.

III.
their eyes were white as snow.
their skin was pale and paper thin.
they thirst for blood.
the demonic trio, they were called.
their stare pierces through your soul.

*bang*
one shot, she’s dead.

*bang*
one shot, he’s dead.

*bang*
one shot, he’s dead.

5 shots kill.
5 shots can change anyone.
5 shots killed the 5 most deadly people
prowling around in search of wandering souls.

[Poem] Star of The New Generation

“Star of The New Generation”
©leo.banares

“twinkle, twinkle, little star.
how i wonder, what you are.”

i saw her walking past me.
her perfect, fit body moves to the beat of my music.
her long, black hair sways on every move she makes.
her eyes were like diamonds sparkling in the morning light.

“up above the world so high
like a diamond in the sky”

i stared at her
i studied her every move,
every inch of her.
i wanted to approach her and get to know her.
but it was impossible.

“twinkle, twinkle, little star
how i wonder, what you are.”

she saw me looking at her
she smiled.
her smile sent thousands of darts piercing through my heart.
then i realized.
i realized why it was impossible.

“twinkle, twinkle little star
how i wonder, what you are.”

the reggae music is starting to end.
still i’m looking at her. staring.
i’m dumbfounded by her.
her perfect physique,
her perfect smile,
her personality.

i guess it’s enough
to see her from a distance
after all, she’s a star,
a star of the new generation.

[Poem] Living in Your Melancholic Lies

“Living in Your Melancholic Lies“
©leo.banares

The years passed me by,
Sitting on a cold February air.
Time went sailing on,
Leaving me stuck—

–stuck-up,
Fed-up,
With your lies.

Sad,
Really sad.

Pictures from memories,
Tearing itself apart.
As you went on,
Looked back,
Walked away.

Your deafening footstep,
Slowly making its way,
Through the cold,
Rough, wasted, asphalt.

I wished for Polaris,
The northern star,
To guide you,
Light your path—

–never leave you.
Guide you.
Take care of you.

Even though you left me.
Bruised, battered, cold.

Your dreams,
Stuck in this world I’m in.
I tried to stand,
Hopeless, I fell.

I tried to scream,
Silence.

Seconds turned to minutes.
Minutes into hours.
Hours into days.
Days into weeks.
Weeks into months.
Months into years.
Years into eternity.

I lived in this world you created.
I swallowed everything you gave me.
I took it all in—

No fights,
No reclaims.

I took every little inch of your sanity.
I took it,
Stole it,
Kept it.

But you are too strong—

You took it back,
Kept it,
Hid it.

I suffered,
I waited.

My dreams torn apart—

–torn by your immature,
Selfless imagery.

I waited for you’re next move.
My awaited end in your society.
Your own make-up world.

Now I know.
I know who you really are.
I knew after spending—

–my whole futile life in your—

—Melancholic Lies.

[Poem] Handcuffed Memories

“Handcuffed Memories“

©leo.banares

 

Sitting…

Staring blankly at the paint-chipped walls…

I kept silent…
Tormented by the memories,
Scared, manipulated.

I ran away,
Went to a park…

And once again,
I found myself…

Sitting…
Staring blankly in a cracked pavement…

Memories…
Memories I rather not remember…

I force myself to forget…
I force myself…

Leaving traces of broken glass,
Wandering,
Going nowhere…

Memories of You and me,
Memories I want to forget,
Memories I want to erase…

I still remember the day,
I first met You…

First I didn’t believe Your existence…

I thought to myself,
“Who are You?”
“Why did You die for me?”

I was blinded by my memories,
These memories that made me hate You…

Dislike You…

After years of searching who I really was…

I saw You…
Talked to You…
Gave my heart to You…
You’re the only one who listened to me…

You comforted me,
You made me feel stronger,
And now I believe You…

You died for me…

A stupid worthless, human being…
Your life is not worth it…
You could’ve just let me be imprisoned….

But You set me free…
Free from the lies of reality…
Free from these memories…
These handcuffed memories I wanted to erase…

I lied to You,
I pretended I didn’t see the suffering You did for me…
But still, You loved me…

You’re my savior,
My companion,
My brother,
My friend…

I tried to change…
I tried to go on…
I tried to live on…

[Poem] Recurrent

“Recurrent“

©leo.banares

Moonlight shining through the dark clouds,
every bit reflects a memory of you.
strewn across an endless maze,
your gentle words linger in my ears.
you left without saying goodbye,
tears fell but i learned to hold it back.
your silhouette slowly fading away,
and i felt joy.

for once i learned to love myself,
to appreciate who i am and to be myself.
i tried to change who i am,
just for you to accept me.
my friends were there to support,
to tell me to move on and let you go.
i did, i did it well,
and slowly, you were gone.

you became a fragment in a broken mirror,
strewn across the floor.
lost in every inch of the cold, dark, pavements of my mind,
you were there, lost, cold, forgotten.
then the sun shone on me,
you reflected light in the recesses of my mind.
after months and months,
your fragments slowly picked themselves up and made you whole.

you talked to me with your gentle voice,
you looked at me with your calm eyes.
then i was there, standing,
standing in front of you not knowing what to say.
i do not know what to feel,
‘cause i have forgotten that feeling a long time ago.

here i am, slowly picking up the broken fragments,
of feelings i used to feel for you.
i’m confused, i dunno what to feel,
i dunno if i should still love you.
all i know, is i miss you..

‘cause i loved you before,
but you let me go.

 

[Poem] Being Random

“Being Random“
©leo.banares

Have you ever felt like you don’t belong in a certain place?
Like you’re still looking for that place that could make you feel that you fit in.
Have you ever felt that life is unfair?
It’s like you’re stuck in a bubble that you can’t burst.
Hindering you from doing what you want.
Taking your freedom, locking you away from reality.
Have you ever felt that you are only a small speck of dust in the world?
Like you don’t matter to anyone.
Like you’re invisible to the naked eye of people you thought were true.
Have you felt that the world is going down on you?
The instances that what you want doesn’t happen;
What you hoped for doesn’t come?
Have you ever seen yourself as someone who is useless?
No matter what you do, it always felt wrong.
No matter what you say, it all seems like a lie.
Have you ever dreamt of being someone you’re not?
Like someone who is popular being sought by everyone; just to escape reality?
Life’s full of lies that make you think everything is true. Ironic isn’t it?
Life gave you what you didn’t want to see.
It spread its soothing lullaby, etching across your horrid mind.
Words can’t really explain what you feel.
The pitter-pattering of questions lingers on your head, and you STOP!
Questions are answered. Answers you wish aren’t real.
Then you look back. You see yourself filled with selfish aura.
Your eyes turned black. And suddenly, you disappear.
Traces of your existence vanished. And you got what you wanted.
Now you fit perfectly in the place you are in.
And millions and millions of companions support you.
You’re no longer you, but a star, a shining star strewn across the velvet sky.
And you were happy.

[poem] 9:52

“9:52“
©leo.banares

If the stars would fall in the morning,
and the sun would shine at night.
If the rivers flow up-stream,
and the oceans turn sweet.
If the moon sleeps at night,
and wakes up in the morning light,
I’ll be loving you.
Impossible as it may seem,
My love for you will remain real.
Even if the fire turns cold,
My love for you will remain forever.
Hold me close,
and never let me go.
I promise forever, I will remain true,
and show you, just how much i love you.

[poem] Drifting

“Drifting“
©leo.banares

enchanting fortress,
semantic synergy of words unspoken.
gloomy nights and misty skies,
i watch as you drift in front of the abandoned church.
you went inside, and kept still.
holding in your hands a candle stick.
you slowly move, towards the altar.
a spark, a flash,
a blinding light shone above you,
then it disappeared,
leaving you holding that piece of candle stick.
you were dressed in white,
humming a tune full of misery and anxiety.
i listened, painstakingly.
as i watch you drift again,
towards the empty confession box.
i hear you, groaning, crying.
i kept still, sitting in the last pew of that abandoned church.
then i was startled by a noise,
“dong, dong, dong” it goes.
then i heard you stop,
you stood up and drifted away.
“dong, dong, dong” the church bells ringing inside.
i wondered.
it was dark and gloomy,
the night engulfed the day when i saw you.
you’re still drifting, going in circles.
then i hear a patter inside the church.
i saw silhouettes, near the altar, dancing.
then i saw you again, inside, still holding a candle stick in your hands.
you went near the altar, then you disappeared.
daylight struck the floors of the abandoned church,
and lights reflected everywhere.
i stood up, looked behind me.
i saw myself, sitting in the last pew, staring, waiting.
i was pale, unconscious.
then i heard a soft lullaby calling me.
then i find myself, drifting towards the altar.
where i first saw you.

[Poem] Five

“Five“
©leo.banares

i can’t sleep,
nocturnal paradigm of endless dreams.
i stay awake.

thinking of your fragile face,
such calmness in your eyes.
i hear your soft voice,
whispering, calling to my emotions.
i feel your light touch,
running through my face, my hair, my heart.

your silhouette creeps through my mind,
as the night devours my only day,
i see you, your smile.
it lingers on my crippled mind as i wait for you,
to come, and set me free.

i can’t seem to reach out to you.
i can’t seem to let all things pass me by.
i watch you singing a soft lullaby,
luring me to sleep.

i can’t help but close my eyes,
as i imagine you…

and me, dancing through the night.

you take my hand, as i held you close to me.
we sing, we danced, we let everything pass us by,
but i woke up. and realized everything was only a dream.

you stood there, in line, waiting for your turn.
as i hold my breath, you disappeared.
and i took a glance on the wall clock,
and it was five.

[poem] Broken

Broken

sitting here
waiting for the sound –

–of your voice

singing,
calling me.

i hear the pitter-pattering –

–of children playing –

–hide and seek,
looking for you.

i watched as the leaves
slowly fall from the trees
masking the pale pavements
with green and amber.
i counted every second that passed me by
as i waited for your call.
i waited and waited, silently.
your vivid voice lingers in my mind.
telling me that you still love me,
like before, you still do.
but that ended just a mere hour ago.
your ‘goodbye’ was the most painful,
saddest word i ever heard.
my heart was torn into peices.
my mind churned in horrid ambition –

–i still love you.

you walked away as if i was nothing.
you left me lying, broken –

–on the pale pavement.

i hear your footsteps echoing
into nothingness.
as i watched you walk away,
i got up, pulled myself together
and i –

–sat down.

looking at the crimson skies,
as i wait here, sitting.

©leo.banares

[poem] stain

“Stain“

i was white.
white as i can ever be.
i have no one to turn to.
i have no one to run to.
this sick blankness of immortal reason,
held me locked inside this black and white season.

but then you came…

you came and changed everything with a simple –

–stain.

you changed everything.
you put colors in my blankness.
and now i’m complete.

your stains swirled into a pit of unending whiteness.
and there you stayed.

you filled me up with crimson sun
and breezy blue and you made me new.
you colored me with tangerine
and evergreens and made me ecstatic.
and you, you…

…you made me feel complete.

with just this teensy, weensy bit.
you changed my life with your –

– stain.

©leo.banares

[poem] why?

“Why?“

Is there a reason why you left?
Please tell me now that I’m ready for death
To lose you was the hardest thing for me
You are the one I loved from eternity

Why don’t you tell me the reason why
I’m begging you to please tell me why
If you don’t love me anymore
I can’t do anything anymore

I know that from the start
I never really owned your heart
I saw you sitting there with him
I felt this urge to curse him

But something else was hindering me
I remembered you are there
I ran back home thinking what to do
I thought of killing myself will do

I looked for something to drink
And drank it up upon a sink
I got a knife and slashed my pulse
For I don’t want to be saved anymore

Before I made that suicide
There was a letter I wrote
When you came home
You saw me there by the letter I wrote

You are shocked to see me
Lying on the floor with a knife
You saw the letter and got it
You opened it and softly read it

“at my funeral please don’t cry,
just tell me the reason why,
you tricked me into believing
that you loved me from the beginning”

So here I am sitting
I am right here waiting
For that answer to my question
“why, what’s the reason?”

©leo.banares

[poem] sa huling oras

“Sa Huling Oras“

Kay lamig ng simoy ng hangin
At aking naaalala ang pagsasama natin
Sa tawa at iyak, lungkot at saya
Ikay kasakasama kahit san man magpunta

Nang aking aamining ika’y aking mahal
Ika’y dahandahang lumisan sa aking pagmamahal
Bakit kay sakit ng iyong paglisan
Tila ako’y binaril sa aking munting puso

Napagisipan kong magpakamatay
Para matapos na ang aking buhay
Para ako’y wala nang mahalin pa
Dahil ika’y minamahal pa

Sa huling lagok ng aking hininga
Aking dinarasal na sana’y ikay magpakita
Sana’y masabi ko sayo ang aking nararamdaman
Na ako’y masaya kung ika’y may iba nang minamahal

Sana’y mahalin mo siya ng lubos
At huwag siyang paglaruan ng lubos
Siya na sana ang iyong napiling mahalin
Para ikaw at ako’y lumigaya na sa tingin

Nais kong makita ang iyong mukha
Mukha na kay ganda tila isang santa
Nais kong mahaplos ang iyong mga kamay
Para ako’y masayang mamamatay

Sa aking libing nais kong makita ka
Masaya’t hindi umiiyak dahil saking pagkawala
Sapagkat ngayong kapiling ko na
Ang ating tagapaglikha

Aking tatanungin kung maaari ba
Ako’y maging iyong anghel
Sapagkat ayokong ikaw ay makitang malungkot
At nais kong makapiling ka pa ng matagal

©leo.banares

[poem] romantic’s suicide

“Romantic’s Suicide“

Four years i courted you
Now I ask you this
“Can you be mine?”
“NO!” goosebumps took over

“NO!” the most dreaded word
My worst nightmare
My love why is this?
You found a better one than me

Problems piled up
Nothing to do but wish to die
I close my eyes
I got a knife

I pointed it at my heart
Stabbed myself to death..
Blood dropped..
blood gushed out..

Time stops
Everything goes black
Moans, groans and cries i hear
“Goodbye my love!”

©leo.banares