[Poem] Being Random

“Being Random“
©leo.banares

Have you ever felt like you don’t belong in a certain place?
Like you’re still looking for that place that could make you feel that you fit in.
Have you ever felt that life is unfair?
It’s like you’re stuck in a bubble that you can’t burst.
Hindering you from doing what you want.
Taking your freedom, locking you away from reality.
Have you ever felt that you are only a small speck of dust in the world?
Like you don’t matter to anyone.
Like you’re invisible to the naked eye of people you thought were true.
Have you felt that the world is going down on you?
The instances that what you want doesn’t happen;
What you hoped for doesn’t come?
Have you ever seen yourself as someone who is useless?
No matter what you do, it always felt wrong.
No matter what you say, it all seems like a lie.
Have you ever dreamt of being someone you’re not?
Like someone who is popular being sought by everyone; just to escape reality?
Life’s full of lies that make you think everything is true. Ironic isn’t it?
Life gave you what you didn’t want to see.
It spread its soothing lullaby, etching across your horrid mind.
Words can’t really explain what you feel.
The pitter-pattering of questions lingers on your head, and you STOP!
Questions are answered. Answers you wish aren’t real.
Then you look back. You see yourself filled with selfish aura.
Your eyes turned black. And suddenly, you disappear.
Traces of your existence vanished. And you got what you wanted.
Now you fit perfectly in the place you are in.
And millions and millions of companions support you.
You’re no longer you, but a star, a shining star strewn across the velvet sky.
And you were happy.

[poem] 9:52

“9:52“
©leo.banares

If the stars would fall in the morning,
and the sun would shine at night.
If the rivers flow up-stream,
and the oceans turn sweet.
If the moon sleeps at night,
and wakes up in the morning light,
I’ll be loving you.
Impossible as it may seem,
My love for you will remain real.
Even if the fire turns cold,
My love for you will remain forever.
Hold me close,
and never let me go.
I promise forever, I will remain true,
and show you, just how much i love you.

[poem] Drifting

“Drifting“
©leo.banares

enchanting fortress,
semantic synergy of words unspoken.
gloomy nights and misty skies,
i watch as you drift in front of the abandoned church.
you went inside, and kept still.
holding in your hands a candle stick.
you slowly move, towards the altar.
a spark, a flash,
a blinding light shone above you,
then it disappeared,
leaving you holding that piece of candle stick.
you were dressed in white,
humming a tune full of misery and anxiety.
i listened, painstakingly.
as i watch you drift again,
towards the empty confession box.
i hear you, groaning, crying.
i kept still, sitting in the last pew of that abandoned church.
then i was startled by a noise,
“dong, dong, dong” it goes.
then i heard you stop,
you stood up and drifted away.
“dong, dong, dong” the church bells ringing inside.
i wondered.
it was dark and gloomy,
the night engulfed the day when i saw you.
you’re still drifting, going in circles.
then i hear a patter inside the church.
i saw silhouettes, near the altar, dancing.
then i saw you again, inside, still holding a candle stick in your hands.
you went near the altar, then you disappeared.
daylight struck the floors of the abandoned church,
and lights reflected everywhere.
i stood up, looked behind me.
i saw myself, sitting in the last pew, staring, waiting.
i was pale, unconscious.
then i heard a soft lullaby calling me.
then i find myself, drifting towards the altar.
where i first saw you.

[Poem] Five

“Five“
©leo.banares

i can’t sleep,
nocturnal paradigm of endless dreams.
i stay awake.

thinking of your fragile face,
such calmness in your eyes.
i hear your soft voice,
whispering, calling to my emotions.
i feel your light touch,
running through my face, my hair, my heart.

your silhouette creeps through my mind,
as the night devours my only day,
i see you, your smile.
it lingers on my crippled mind as i wait for you,
to come, and set me free.

i can’t seem to reach out to you.
i can’t seem to let all things pass me by.
i watch you singing a soft lullaby,
luring me to sleep.

i can’t help but close my eyes,
as i imagine you…

and me, dancing through the night.

you take my hand, as i held you close to me.
we sing, we danced, we let everything pass us by,
but i woke up. and realized everything was only a dream.

you stood there, in line, waiting for your turn.
as i hold my breath, you disappeared.
and i took a glance on the wall clock,
and it was five.

[poem] Broken

Broken

sitting here
waiting for the sound –

–of your voice

singing,
calling me.

i hear the pitter-pattering –

–of children playing –

–hide and seek,
looking for you.

i watched as the leaves
slowly fall from the trees
masking the pale pavements
with green and amber.
i counted every second that passed me by
as i waited for your call.
i waited and waited, silently.
your vivid voice lingers in my mind.
telling me that you still love me,
like before, you still do.
but that ended just a mere hour ago.
your ‘goodbye’ was the most painful,
saddest word i ever heard.
my heart was torn into peices.
my mind churned in horrid ambition –

–i still love you.

you walked away as if i was nothing.
you left me lying, broken –

–on the pale pavement.

i hear your footsteps echoing
into nothingness.
as i watched you walk away,
i got up, pulled myself together
and i –

–sat down.

looking at the crimson skies,
as i wait here, sitting.

©leo.banares

[poem] stain

“Stain“

i was white.
white as i can ever be.
i have no one to turn to.
i have no one to run to.
this sick blankness of immortal reason,
held me locked inside this black and white season.

but then you came…

you came and changed everything with a simple –

–stain.

you changed everything.
you put colors in my blankness.
and now i’m complete.

your stains swirled into a pit of unending whiteness.
and there you stayed.

you filled me up with crimson sun
and breezy blue and you made me new.
you colored me with tangerine
and evergreens and made me ecstatic.
and you, you…

…you made me feel complete.

with just this teensy, weensy bit.
you changed my life with your –

– stain.

©leo.banares

[song] i miss you

“I Miss You”

leo.banares

seeing you in my dreams
longing for you in my days
hold me now
and don’t let go

day dreaming about you
seeing you everywhere
i wish to be with you
and be beside you always

(chorus)
coz i miss you….
i miss the way you hold me
i miss the way you kiss me
i miss you.. i miss you.. i mis you..

please stay with me
stay until the time comes
the time when you’re…
you’re gonna leave me

(chorus)
coz i miss you….
i miss the way you hold me
i miss the way you kiss me
i miss you.. i miss you.. i mis you..

[poem] why?

“Why?“

Is there a reason why you left?
Please tell me now that I’m ready for death
To lose you was the hardest thing for me
You are the one I loved from eternity

Why don’t you tell me the reason why
I’m begging you to please tell me why
If you don’t love me anymore
I can’t do anything anymore

I know that from the start
I never really owned your heart
I saw you sitting there with him
I felt this urge to curse him

But something else was hindering me
I remembered you are there
I ran back home thinking what to do
I thought of killing myself will do

I looked for something to drink
And drank it up upon a sink
I got a knife and slashed my pulse
For I don’t want to be saved anymore

Before I made that suicide
There was a letter I wrote
When you came home
You saw me there by the letter I wrote

You are shocked to see me
Lying on the floor with a knife
You saw the letter and got it
You opened it and softly read it

“at my funeral please don’t cry,
just tell me the reason why,
you tricked me into believing
that you loved me from the beginning”

So here I am sitting
I am right here waiting
For that answer to my question
“why, what’s the reason?”

©leo.banares

[poem] sa huling oras

“Sa Huling Oras“

Kay lamig ng simoy ng hangin
At aking naaalala ang pagsasama natin
Sa tawa at iyak, lungkot at saya
Ikay kasakasama kahit san man magpunta

Nang aking aamining ika’y aking mahal
Ika’y dahandahang lumisan sa aking pagmamahal
Bakit kay sakit ng iyong paglisan
Tila ako’y binaril sa aking munting puso

Napagisipan kong magpakamatay
Para matapos na ang aking buhay
Para ako’y wala nang mahalin pa
Dahil ika’y minamahal pa

Sa huling lagok ng aking hininga
Aking dinarasal na sana’y ikay magpakita
Sana’y masabi ko sayo ang aking nararamdaman
Na ako’y masaya kung ika’y may iba nang minamahal

Sana’y mahalin mo siya ng lubos
At huwag siyang paglaruan ng lubos
Siya na sana ang iyong napiling mahalin
Para ikaw at ako’y lumigaya na sa tingin

Nais kong makita ang iyong mukha
Mukha na kay ganda tila isang santa
Nais kong mahaplos ang iyong mga kamay
Para ako’y masayang mamamatay

Sa aking libing nais kong makita ka
Masaya’t hindi umiiyak dahil saking pagkawala
Sapagkat ngayong kapiling ko na
Ang ating tagapaglikha

Aking tatanungin kung maaari ba
Ako’y maging iyong anghel
Sapagkat ayokong ikaw ay makitang malungkot
At nais kong makapiling ka pa ng matagal

©leo.banares

[poem] romantic’s suicide

“Romantic’s Suicide“

Four years i courted you
Now I ask you this
“Can you be mine?”
“NO!” goosebumps took over

“NO!” the most dreaded word
My worst nightmare
My love why is this?
You found a better one than me

Problems piled up
Nothing to do but wish to die
I close my eyes
I got a knife

I pointed it at my heart
Stabbed myself to death..
Blood dropped..
blood gushed out..

Time stops
Everything goes black
Moans, groans and cries i hear
“Goodbye my love!”

©leo.banares

[poem] not a dream

“Not A Dream“

I once met you in a group
A club, a party, a gathering
I can’t take my eyes off you
I felt different when I look at you

I think I’m falling in love with you
But I’m scared to tell you this feeling
I don’t want to hear if you reject me
So I’ll keep it till I’m ready to

One gathering, night or day
I saw you there pretty as always
I thought of telling my feelings to you
…Then I saw you approach

I looked at your face
So nice and cute
You told me something…
… I didn’t hear

“I like you…” what? Is this true?
You…you…Like me too
I can’t keep it anymore
Now I know that you feel it too

“I like you too…” I told you…
… You smiled at me and said:
“When I first saw you…
I already liked you…”

I thought it was just a dream
I pinched myself hard then,
Ouch! This is real…
I’m so happy now that I know…

I like you…
You like me…
We like each other so…
Do you think there’s an “US”?

©leo.banares

[poem] falling for a friend

“Falling For A Friend“

You are always there when I needed you
You are always there when I feel so blue
You are always there when I need comfort
You are always there when I need a friend

I thought we would be just friends
But as day goes by I felt different
I saw you in another view
That I can never live without you

My heart calls you everyday
I can’t eat and sleep day after day
This feeling I feel for you
A feeling I never felt before

I think of you everyday
In the morning till the sky becomes dark
I longed for you in many ways
I craved for you many times before

I can’t hide it anymore
I need to tell you now
“I Love You” please understand
“I love you from the bottom of my heart”

I was shocked to here the lines you said
“I love you too…” is this for real?
You said it’s true that you love me too
I’m so glad you felt the same way I do

I’m so glad I told you
This feeling I feel for you
I never expected this before
That I am falling for a friend

©leo.banares

[poem] broken heart

“Broken Heart“

It’s hard to let go of someone
Someone whom you loved before
Before you chose to love another
Another woman just like her

It’s hard to leave her side
Her side where you hide
You hide from your fears
Your fears that let all fall like your tears

You are by her side
By her side where you are secured
Secured from any danger
Danger built from anger

You tell her you love her
Your love for her is true
For her it’s just a joke
A joke which make you choke

She laughs at you
You who are so dumb to say
To say I love you to her
To her which made you tear

You suddenly feel calm
But also felt nervous
You wish that she would tell
Those lines that you are wishing to hear

But sadly she turned away
And stared to part
With this she left a letter
In this letter she wrote:

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you
that I found the one I love
for he was true to me
and cared for me as much

I wish that we could be friends
Although we are apart
I wish you would forgive me
Because I don’t want to break your heart”.

©leo.banares

[poem] bakit ba?

“Bakit Ba?“

bakit ba ganito?
lahat nalang ng ginagawa ko,
lahat ng sinasabi ko,
wala lang sa’yo.

bakit ba ganito?
puso ko’y sugat ang natamo.
inamin ko lang naman sa’yo.
na ikaw ang isinisigaw ng puso ko.

umiiyak na naman ako.
alam ko iniisip mo,
na ako’y isang mahinang tao,
na walang ginawa kundi umiyak para sa’yo.

mahal kita, oo inaamin ko.
ndi ko makaya na mawala ka sa piling ko.
sa’yo umiikot ang mundo ko,
lahat ng ginagawa ko para sa’yo.

bakit ba ganito?
ang tanga-tanga ko pagdating sa’yo?
kahit sabihin ko ang totoo,
ayaw mo parin sa isang tulad ko.

mahal kita ng buong-buo.
hindi ako nakikipaglaro sa’yo.
mahal kita, seryoso ako.
kaya lahat gagawin ko, mamatay man ako.

©leo.banares

[poem] sampung taludtod ng sakit at hinagpis

“Sampung Taludtod ng Sakit at Hinagpis”

nakatitig sa kalawakan,
nakatingin sa kawalan.
iniisip ang kasagutan,
kung bakit ka ganyan.

ilang araw na ako ganito,
wala sa sarili at parang nalilito.
ninanais na ang puso’y huminto,
at malaman mo ito.

mahal kita,
ikaw lang talaga.
ngunit bakit sadyang masama,
ang pagtrato ng pag-ibig sa tuwina.

ilang araw na umiiyak,
nakatingin sa kawalan.
ilang araw na umaasang,
ika’y aking mahahagkan.

isang saglit,
buhay ay nawala.
puso’y tumigil,
sa pagmamahal at pagtibok.

dugo’y bumabalot,
sa ginamit na panugat.
sa mga munting pulso,
sa aking mga kamay.

ito sana’y malaman mo,
dahilan nito’y sa’yo.
sa pagmamahal na ibinuhos ko,
na sinayang at binalewala mo.

sadya bang ganito?
pag-ibig ay maloko?
mag mahal ka’t masaktan,
tatalikuran ka’t iiwan?

minahal kita ng buong-buo,
ngunit ito’y binalewala mo.
nagalay ng buhay para sa’yo,
para mapansin mo lang ako.

lahat ay ginawa ko,
para lang ako’y mapansin mo.
pagmamahal ko’y totoo,
ngunit ito’y sinayang mo.

©leo.banares